So...I'm hoping to write mainly about humorous events in my life, but today a more serious situation ocurred. In my fourth block class, a male student, we'll call him Patrick, was sent a pass to the office. Now, everyone knows what these passes mean: the student has been written up and is being called to his assistant principal to receive his punishment. This particular student gets up and struts out of the classroom, getting up before I even read the name on the pass to myself. He took pride in his getting trouble, showcasing it for the whole class. Strike one.
Then he comes back into the classroom, again strutting, rejoins his group, and hams it up. Again, drawing attention to himself and the fact that he's "bad" for getting in trouble. Strike two.
Later, after his group loses the review game we were playing, he begins loudly dogging and insulting a team member for a wrong answer he gave. Strike three. I'm very big on respect in my class, not only to me, but to other students, so this just sent me over the edge. I looked at him and said, "At least he had an answer to give. You didn't even help your group at all." To this, he replied, "'Cause I wasn't here all the days we did this stuff." Now, this really angered me because he has known about the test and what would be on it for over two weeks because we just returned yesterday from Spring Break, and they knew when the test would be over a week before we got out for the break, and to be honest, I don't remember him ever being absent. He sleeps a lot in class, so maybe that's what he meant? Anyway, I told him that was no excuse because he did know, blah blah blah, and how all he did was make excuses. This sends him over the edge, and he starts talking back, raising his voice and becoming extremely argumentative with me. After our argument died down, I asked him if he understood what we had discussed, and he refused to respond. I told him to simply say "Yes, ma'am," and we would be done and he wouldn't get an office referral. He refused, so I told him he would only be dismissed after he responded to me. He refused, getting up and walking out, continuing to be argumentative with me, as he walked out. I wrote a referral, but because his assistant principal was out of the building and I had detention, I left it sitting on my podium.
So why does this bother me? Why am I still thinking about this "trouble" student and what he said and did.
It's not so much what he did, but what I did. I let a student get the best of me. I killed the positive, fun day the entire class had had and replaced it with a tense, unpleasant tone. I lost my cool, and I lowered myself to the position of a 16-year-old boy. Nothing I said could get me in trouble or anything, but I am mad at myself for arguing with him. I know that by doing so, I egged him on. At one point, I reminded him of our classroom community contract and the fact that he was breaking one of the major promises on that. He point out that I, too, was breaking the same promise. He was right. I had. Now, I argued that my position as the teacher was to make sure he followed the rules at all times, even if that meant I broke a promise myself. Now I see the fault in that logic.
Can the leaders break the rules to make sure their followers/subjects/constituents follow those same rules?
I have a very clear answer to this question. Because of this, I'm going to apologize to Patrick. Not for reprimanding him or to excuse his own behavior, but for my part in egging the situation on, rather than nip it in the bud. I'm still on the fence about whether I will apologize to the entire class for having to take part in that, or if I'll just let it die on its own.
What's a girl to do?
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